Over the years, I have found so much freedom, specifically within my marriage. My relationship with my husband is much more peaceful. We are “real” with one another. There are no masks and much less conflict. Before, you go there, let me stop and say, my marriage is far from perfect simply because, we are not perfect.
There is a wonderful word that has come into our marriage and completely changed everything. That word… GRACE! It sounds so simple, but let me tell you how and why this glorious word has changed it all.
You see, Grace is that Jesus has paid it all. Everything. Every last bit. What has been done what we do and what we will do. Everything that is sin, done against one another and ultimately God Himself, is all paid for. When we have accepted this beautiful truth, the truth that Christ’s sacrifice on that horrible, rugged, blood stained cross was and is enough to pay for any punishment that we deserve. When we accept this, you see, we are no longer condemned. We no longer are in debt! We are free of any charges, past, present and future!
How did this change my marriage? When my husband and I wrong each other (we are human it is bound to happen), there is this moment, where the Spirit of Christ who now lives in me, reminds me that our wrongs have been wiped away. My attempts to make my husband “pay” for his wrongs against me are futile, at best. It is a fleeting effort.
Knowing that I am covered, that my sins have been taken care of, allows me to come to my husband and freely apologize for my wrong doing. I don’t need my husband’s forgiveness, I don’t need for him to accept my apology ( I want him to), but I don’t need him to because my sins are already forgiven.
When we respond out of “being wronged” we often take on the victim role , claiming to be innocent. We then rise up and begin to condemn, we demand justice! We demand that person “pay” for what they’ve done to us. We throw stones in the form of words, and crucify one another in the form of withdraw. We cry out, “guilty, guilty!” “You must pay!” We hold each other in contempt until we think the violator has paid their dues.
I have fallen into this cycle many times with my husband and it only damaged us. He was never able to “pay” completely. I may stop withdrawing, but more often than not, his wrongs became a long list in the back of my mind. But here’s the thing, my husband’s wrongs have been dealt with. Paul (one of the most well-known teachers of Christ) says that Jesus’ sacrifice actually took that mounding list of accusations and ripped it up into shreds. Furthermore, God allowed Jesus to be punished in our place!
You see those cries of “Guilty, Guilty!” and “You must pay!” were already declared. They were declared on an innocent man named Jesus. This Jesus proved that he was not only man but he’s also the Son of God! And when he “paid”, he paid for us. Because He had no debt, He was able to pay ours! Justice was served!
I can’t make my husband pay for his wrongs against me. Doing so only denies what Christ has already done for my husband. I don’t need to hide my wrong doing or deny my failures, because they are already taken care of. There’s no fear in “being wrong.”
I don’t have to be afraid that I’m going to have to “pay” for what I’ve done. This has brought such freedom! It’s brought a love of God and an appreciation for who He is and what He has done! In light of this, I am forgiven and I can forgive! It’s already taken care of.
-There’s no condemnation for those who are Christ’s. Those people who no longer work it out in their own efforts, but now live in the Spirit. – Romans 8:1